Welcome back to this week’s edition of The L&F Starting Line Up series! Every week the co-hosts of the Life & Fantasy Podcast, Spence Plamondon and Kaveh Ghidy will face off against Hot Sauce Blogger Jon Eamon in a battle for your votes and affection! We will be drafting weekly line ups based on a specific criteria that pulls inspiration from sports, pop culture and life in general!
Just like the Lightning we are going back-to-back in the pop culture world, and went with another long standing comedy show in the Simpsons. Terry and I needed a quick pick me up after not only the Habs Stanley Cup loss, but we now owe Spence and Kaveh a shot of Hot Sauce! Speaking of Terry Tam, he just can’t get enough of these drafts and is fully on board, so please welcome him to the series! It’s always fun to take down your boss ;).
CRITERIA
- You do not talk about Fight Club
- Only characters from the Simpsons
- Must fill out a standard NHL line up
Simple right?! Without further ado here is the resulting draft board.
PICK 1 – Thrillhouse
LW – Troy McClure
C – Homer Simpson
RW – Otto
LD – Ol’ Gill
RD – Barney Gumble
G – Maggie Simpson
Team Name – Thrillhouse
Owner – Milhouse
With the first overall pick Thrillhouse selects Homer Simpson to be the Leader, Captain and Centreman. Homer brings a level of notoriety that not a lot of characters possess. There were thoughts of going Maggie Simpson as #1 and Starting Goalie but after choosing Homer and seeing the way the rest of the league drafted, we knew we can get her later on, which we did in the fourth round.
Jon going with Bart and Spence coming back to back with Duffman and Rainier Wolfcastle through our draft board out of whack. Thrillhouse was big on Rainier as he would’ve added athleticism to our roster. Like many successful GM’s we through the draft board off the table and started selecting the best available. Second pick was Troy McClure! The chameleon and natural in front of the camera. He can take the media pressure away from Homer and our third pick.
Third round Thrillhouse was eyeing down Groundskeeper Willie. The tough Scotsman with a thirst for cleaning up dirty areas was someone we wanted. We settled for Gil “Ol’Gill” Gunderson at LD. Ol’ Gill is a versatile as they come but a reach because of very low success rate in life. Our coaching staff will do it’s best to prepare for the competition.
Fourth round we chose Maggie Simpson as our Netminder. The most underrated character and clearly underappreciated Goalie was a no brainer. She has a killer competitive streak that will, no doubt, stifle the likes of the sloppy offense that Kaveh has selected.
The first led by Homer and McClure needed some energy. We were looking to bring in some grit for our top line to compliment Homer and McClure we went with Otto. Radioactive man fell off the board earlier by Jon. Otto is the glue guy in the locker room. A tall presence with a positive attitude and love for the sport of hockey.
The last pick was a toss up between Ralph Wigum, Barney Gumble and Hans Moleman. Originally we selected Hans but sent a request to the league to have it swapped for Barney Gumble after Hans failed his physical. It was sad to see that Hans wasn’t fit enough to participate. We wish him all the best and are happy to move on with barney as our RD.
Thrillhouse is ecstatic with their selections. We firmly believe we have solid chance at the cup this year.
PICK 2 – TEAM JON
LW – Radioactive Man
C – Bart Simpson
RW – Itchy
LD – Leopold
RD – Groundkeeper Willie
G – Ian (tall guy in small car)
Team Name – The Ribwiches
Owner/Coach – Krusty the Clown
This week’s draft was a lot more fun since I actually watched the show and had some knowledge of the lesser known characters. At the top I debated going with Bart or Lisa but ultimately decided that Bart at Center offered a lot of flexibility to create chemistry up front. In his minor hockey days Bart was a dynamic Center that dominated the league. Championship teams are built down the middle so had to get the highest skilled center on the board.
Next up I needed to get my big bruising stay at home Right Defenceman, que Groundskeeper Willie! You have to assume that all that team racking leaves will translate into some puck handling skills, not to mention that he has spend ample time working outdoors in the snow so he has some experience with snow. Of course he is also a physical specimen with a real mean streak that I want anchoring my D-core.
With my next two picks I decided to no longer try and wait on any characters as my primary targets were getting scooped up left and right! As I eluded to, with Bart up front, I wanted to surround him with wingers that he would love to play with, so why not draft his heroes. I was afraid that Radioactive Man would be on more people’s radar so I had to grab him immediately, which turned out the be the right move. Next up, just like I did last week by drafting Hankey, I had to get my piece of s**t Right Winger and if you don’t think Itchy is that guy, than you and Scratchy need to have a talk.
With only Kaveh and I left to draft a goalie, I decided to roll the dice on that position and instead shore up my defense. I decided to draft Leopold, the assistant School Superintended. He scares the crap out of all of the children and has often entered the class room to give very intimidating speeches about who the very nice and kind substitute teacher will be. Not to mention that he can fire Willie if Willie sucks so there is some added incentive there.
Finally I went with the tallest charater in the show in nets in Ian, the tall guy who drives the tiny car that Nelson makes fun of. Standing at 8’2 he will be a very difficult goalie to score against not to mention he isn’t intimidated by anyone. Especially not Nelson Muntz!
PICK 3 – TEAM KAVEH
LW – Snake Jailbird
C – Hank Scorpio
RW – Fat Tony
LD – Nelson Muntz
RD – Dolph Starbeam
G – Kearny Zzyzwicz
Name: Springfield Isotopes
Owner: C. Montgomery Burns
For the South Park draft, I didn’t get to draft a fully evil team. Partly because I thought of my identity half way through my draft. But this time I knew I wanted to go with a criminal/tough guy identity, and I think I got what I was looking for.
I start off with one of my favorite characters, my captain, Hank Scorpio. The leader among all leaders, all the boys would run through a brick wall for their fearless leader (hell, I would). He’s the guy in the room getting everybody pumped up – he actually got Homer to contribute to his plan of world domination, unbeknownst to Homer mind you.
My second pick is another fella I like, a Goodfella, Fat Tony. When you need something done, he’s your man, whether you need a quick goal in front of the net or someone on the other team needs to get put in line, you call up Fat Tony, no questions asked. Snake Jailbird, he’s always up to no good, always looking for an angle. The prefect third party to my partners in crime in front. A jack of all trades kind of guy, he can handle any situation, as seen in all his elaborate crimes. From a heavy hitting game to a finesse game, he’s ready to go.
Now that my front end is locked up with good veteran players, I thought about drafting some young guns to fill up the rest of my team and keep my identity for the future. I start with the bully and tough guy of all though guys, Nelson Muntz. Big guy’s gonna hold the fort in front of the net on left D with ease, great prospect for the guys in front to mold. With the right tools, he should be a great fit for years to come.
In nets I went with Kearny Zzyzwicz (did I spell that right?), another one of my favorite characters, going to elementary school with his own son, amazing. So not the sharpest tool in the shed, I know, but man can he stop a puck, laser focused come game time. No, he’s not daydreaming, just really present and in the moment. My last pick is once again another bully, Dolph Starbeam. Not the meanest of all the bullies, but he can get his hands dirty when need be. The prefect smooth skating Scandinavian beauty to help move the puck up to my hard working forwards
PICK 4 – TEAM SPENCE
LW – Duffman
C – Grampa Simpson (circa WWII)
RW – Rainier Wolfcastle
LD – Disco Stu
RD – Drederick Tatum
G – Lisa Simpson
Team name: Try-N-Save Try-N-Win’s
Coach/Owner: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
With Homer, Bart and Hank Scorpio off the board, I started the search for my first two picks. I decided on going for a big, athletic squad, which narrowed things down big time and led me to Duffman (LW) and the one and only Rainier Wolfcastle (RW). A couple of big, power forward wingers. Wolfcastle will serve as an assistant captain.
Fat Tony, Groundskeeper Willie and Troy McClure went next – and while I was looking closely at the first two, Troy McClure was off my list for character reasons. We don’t need fish-loving divas on this squad, but Terry, a week after drafting Kanye West in our South Park draft, scooped up Mr. McClure, and that seems like a perfect fit. Sometimes it’s just a matter of team culture, eh? Terry’s got the man-fish-love game on lock.
As I watched the draft snake back, Gill, Radioactive Man and Snake all came off the board. Couple tough blows there, but that brought me to Drederick Tatum (RD) and Lisa Simpson (G). With Tatum breaking heads back there on D as my Chris Pronger, he’ll give Lisa all the help she needs to be the world-class keeper that she is. He’ll also serve as an assistant. I felt like I was getting a steal in Lisa here, and Jon’s immediate disappointment sealed it for me. Picked the right time to snag her.
Nelson, Itchy, Maggie, Otto, Leopold and Kearney went next, which wasn’t too bad for me. I’d looked at Nelson, Otto and Kearney a bit, but I knew Kaveh was going for an evil/bully squad and I wasn’t interested to the point I was gonna be an a**hole about it. Otto – I love Otto Mann, man. But damnit, if he’s not a sponge. Plus I’d decided he didn’t fit the team mould a round earlier, so I was happy to see somebody get him.
Now it was time to finish this off strong. Still in need of a C and LD, I pulled out my ace-in-the-hole and asked the guys for clearance to take Grampa Simpson circa-WWII. You know, young Hellfish Grampa? The one who’s built like Gordie Howe and willing to sit on top of grenades for the squad? Yeah, that’s the one. After getting the all-clear, I took Grampa as my centre and team captain. With my last pick, I went with none other than the slick skating DISCO STU as my LD, giving me that tantalizing Niedermayer-Pronger duo on the back end. It’s funny, I nearly went Superintendent Chalmers here based on his size, nastiness and leadership qualities. But why go with Zach Bogosian when you’ve got a Niedermayer-esque diamond in the rough sitting right there? So glad he came to mind before I picked. Does he have a cocaine problem? I mean, probably. But this is hockey in 2021; who doesn’t?
One last piece of important information, we can’t leave our loyal fans hanging, so here are the final results from the Hot Sauce Stanley Cup Final bet. Stay tuned for the punishment video that will soon follow!
Be sure to let us know who’s team you think is the best, as well as what South Park characters you would use to create your ultimate NHL starting line up! Leave your line up in the comments for your chance to join us for an upcoming draft to test your wit, knowledge and patience.
As always don’t forget to check out the rest of the Hot Sauce Family and check out our Youtube channel for all our podcasts and videos! On this week’s episode of Weekly Sauce Terry and Alex the Intern are joined by Matt Mengel, Kicker at UCLA. They talk about his time at UCLA, his teammates and what he misses most about living in Los Angeles.