As the World Juniors and the holidays wrap up, now is a good time to reflect on that tournament that was. USA took home the Gold, a Montreal native took the Tournament by storm and the Russians are in a bit of tail spin. However, all of this ignores one of the best parts of the tournament, the Flow.
Watching the World Juniors was like being a vegetarian at a salad bar on a cruise ship, just a sea of lettuce everywhere you look. These kids almost deserve more credit for their commitment to the hair than to their actual skill on the ice. Anybody who has grown out their flow has been through the awkward stages to reap the rewards of their beautiful flowing locks. You can go to skills camps, power skating camps and goalie camps, but you can’t teach flow, that is just straight natural ability.
Before getting started it is important to give a shout out to some of the greats to bless this holy article. Hockey has seen hundreds of different hair styles, from Barry Melrose, to the Jagr mullet, to the sweet glorious flow of Erik Karlsson. However, when it comes to assessing hockey hair, no one does it better than Minnesota’s John King. Hailing from the self-named Land of 10,000 Locks, John has put together the Minnesota State High School All Hockey Hair team for years, and the boys put on a show every year; see for yourself.
Getting back to Edmonton and the Bubble, it was a great year for hair. Four teams arrived with 10+ players on the roster sporting the flow with a couple teams just on the cusp. Better luck next year Germany and Canada (shed a small tear). With that being said, before jumping into the individual players, a quick ranking by country.
- Austria – Number 10 in the standings but #1 in our hearts. While they may have gone winless, they won’t soon be forgotten as player after player had fantastic flow with this team.
- USA – The Americans deserve a standing ovation all around. They came, they saw, they conquered both on and off the ice. Edmonton is lucky they were all locked into their bubble because they could have done some serious damage with their hair.
- Switzerland – What the Swiss lacked on the ice, they made up for under the bucket. The quality of flow on this team may be second to none in this tournament, however they lack the quantity to keep up with the top 2.
Sweden was by far the biggest disappointment of the tournament, lots of Iceberg but no Romaine. We need sustenance gentleman!
Now without further ado, here are your two All Hair Teams
2ND TEAM ALL HAIR
G – Leon Sommer (Austria)
Starting things a little unorthodox, this flow can be best compared to a Quebec salad. Well let’s be honest that’s a poutine, and hair like a french fries, curly is always better!
D – Jamie Drysdale (Canada)
The classic, this is a like a finely made house salad, perfect, simple, has all the ingredients and to the point. This hair is a teaser, keeping you wanting more.
D – Hunter Skinner (USA)
Name a better duo than flow and a backward snap back? Hunter Skinner has grown his hair out since being drafted by the Rangers this past summer. Please keep it up for next year, just let Canada win Gold. Please?
F – Roby Jarventie (Finland)
The Fins have one upped the Swedes in every facet of this tournament. They have a medal and some eye popping, beautiful flow. Case and point, with just a touch of ginger dressing to make this beautiful bowl of lettuce pop.
F – Florian Elias (Germany)
Come back to me in a minute, I’m still recovering. Dolphins are jealous of that flipper.
F – Landon Slaggert (USA)
The croutons stayed in the oven a little longer to be apart of this beauty. This guy has all the accoutrements on point with fine precision and care. Slaggert is that Caesar salad you pay extra for, making even the most steadfast vegetarians indulge in gluttony.
1ST LINE ALL HAIR
G – Devon Levi (Canada)
Let’s be real, Bobby Lou wanted Levi in order to continue the tradition of luxurious, thicc Quebec hair in the crease. Just look at the curl across the forehead. Fun fact, Levi controls his bangs with telekinesis, and just like Barney Stinson, he never takes a bad picture.
D – Mario Zimmerman (Germany)
Zimmermann turn a lot of heads on the ice with his performance, being named Germany’s top Defenseman of the tournament. This pails in comparisons to the number of people reporting to the trainer with a strained neck trying to take a double look at this salad.
D – Noah Meier (Switzerland)
Meier is a mouthful of beautifully crisp lettuce. This is the purest form of flow you will find on this list. This Hair hits the mark with every demographic of hair lovers around the world like a simple vinaigrette. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, or in this kid’s case, don’t trim sh*t!
F – Maximilian Theirich (Austria)
Remember what I said about curls? This hair needs no product, it is au naturel in the best possible way. Mr. Theirich is the perfect embodiment of the Austrians performance at this year’s tournament. Here’s to hoping this is but a preview of things to come for this young hockey/flow nation.
F – Attilio Biasca (Switzerland)
The style on this kid. The reckless IDAF curls to go with some ice here, Attilio is making a statement as an underager, just imagine where this kid will be next year or dare I say, even the year after with this sort of salad. Were gonna let the ingredients to this Santa Fe Salad marinate before checking back in later.
F – Michal Mrazik (Slovakia)
By the Holy Flow of Melrose! This lettuce was washed in the Fountain of Jagr. This was the best hair of the tournament by a landslide decision. This guy is so modest that he put his hair in a bun for his photos so that others could get some recognition. This lettuce is a 3 Star Michelin meal, you go out of your way to watch Slovakia play just to catch a glimpse of this greatness. Kuds Michal, you have the Hair of the tournament.
As always, check out the rest of the Hot Sauce community! In our final Podcast of the year, Peeze, Terry and Eagle talk Football, 2020 in review and welcome Guiness World Record Holder Shangrila Rendon to the show! Shangrile is a World Record Holding Triathlete that now coaches and motivates people to become better athletes and people.
Alex the Intern and Terry move to the Octagon this week as they MMA with Emmanueli Adzoh to talk about his career, training and mindset as he get’s ready for fights.
I am also happy to announce that we have started an Interview series. Terry and I follow up our interview with Brent Sopel by welcoming HC Torpedo, Strength and Conditioning Coach Andrew Kacsor to the show. We bring things back to the beginning with this Beauty to talk about his journey to the KHL. Teaser, we discuss the infamous Russian gas!
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Amazing 😂😂
I give Kirby Dach a vote. He’s got fairly short hair in his team photo, but he looks like the dealer you buy a five piece off at a high school house party who seems super cool until you find out he bought the .oz with his mom’s money and then he kinda just bums you out.
You gotta respect the sleaze factor, you know?