The brutal existence of being a Raiders fan

It could be said that being a football fan is much like watching roman gladiators fight until death. Every week during the harvest months of fall until the bitter frost of winter, we spectate a blood war between two opposing forces. It really is a wonderful reality, we get to watch human specimens ram mercilessly into each other for our enjoyment and pleasure. We indulge from a distance and often profit from their victories. Much like spectators in a pre-christ era we have an investment in what we are watching. Antonio Brown is a man that does not adhere to the rules and governance of the gladiator arena… and he certainly does not fucking care if you drafted him in fantasy football.

Look, I get it. It’s way too easy to make fun of Antonio Brown. The truth is, he’s an incredible player and has the same decision making ability as Ricky Jerret in Ballers. However, he hasn’t been the same since that evil Vontaze Burfict hit. I’m no doctor, but something’s been off ever since it happened.

The latest news about the recent scuffle involving Antonio Brown and Mike Mayock isn’t surprising. What makes it weird is that Vontaze Burfict was the one holding AB back while he threatened to punch Mayock. To make matters worse, it looks like Antonio Brown will be suspended or shipped out sometime during this season.

Steelers fans are loving every bit of this. The fact is, they no longer have AB and Le’veon around to pin all their problems on. Big Diva Ben, who takes issue with players expressing themselves or god forbid playing music has come out recently to express his regret is arguing with AB. I’m not surprised, Big Diva Ben loves playing the “aw shucks” character that does no wrong. He has always took issue with other players being a distraction even though he’s been a distraction himself. I know that’s a low blow Steeler fans, I’m sorry but I’m not myself today. Truth is, Raider fans really understand your frustration. Difference is… we’re a different breed, WE UNDERSTAND DISTRACTION, IT’S OUR MIDDLE FUCKING NAME. So bring on the noise, let him be crazy. Maybe he gets traded, maybe he doesn’t. If he plays for the silver and black this season he’ll make every doubter chew their own words… if he doesn’t you’ll continue to shit on us. maybe maybe maybe…

Whatever. We’ve been through worse.

Being a Raiders fan isn’t for the light hearted. It basically a free admission road side circus. You know it’ll give you nightmares, but at least you’ll have fun. Now that I’m done bitching, here are some epic (bad) moments in Raider history. At least these are the one’s that keep me up at night:

#10: The Immaculate Reception

This took place before my time. it is but a distant memory… a whisper in time, a faded video with bad camera angles. Perhaps my first ever exposure to the dread of being a Raiders Fan. Seriously, fuck you Steelers.

#9: Khalil Mack and Sio Moore celebrate useless sack. Get a really stupid penalty.

I refuse to put the Khalil Mack trade on this list. It’s an obvious one and it hurts my soul to even mention it. Instead I want to bring you back to the good days, when the Raiders were looking like a playoff bund team. Before Mack was traded, before Amari Cooper was traded, before Derek Carr broke his back and foot.

In this situation, the Raiders sack Alex Smith on a 3rd down play and the celebration takes Mack and Sio Moore all the way to mid field. Alex Smith, who’s known for check downs and having great awareness decides to catch these idiots mid celebration for a stupid penalty. Here’s the clip, enjoy this pur Raiders moment:

#8: The Goose Purposely Injures Rich Gannon (2000-2001)

Rich Gannon’s career might have ended because of Derek Brooks, but it was Tony Siragusa that ripped out the soul of most Raiders fans. During an AFC championship game during the 2000-2001 season, The Goose tackles Gannon in one of the most dirty tackles you’ll ever see. The dude straight up ripped his arm out of the socket! If this happened in today’s football Tony Siragusa would be kicked out of the league. God damn snowflakes! Here it is:

#7: AL fires Kiffin

Al Davis was known for being a really upfront guy. Lane Kiffin on the other hand.. well he’s more akin to an oil snake salesmen. This relationship quickly blew over to a point where Al Davis called out Kiffin during a bizarre press conference using an old school projector. Watch and Enjoy:

#6: Tyler Brayton goes nuts.

I don’t remember who Tyler Brayton was, but I definetly remember how terrible the seahawks jersey was. Not to mention there was this huge stink in the media about this was disrespectful to the game. Here’ the clip, it’s so fucking raiders. Basically the definition of being a pirate.

#5: Trading Randy Moss to the Patriots for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

It’s almost like deja vu. Raiders acquired an amazing talent still within his prime. This “diva” receiver doesn’t like the way things work in Oakland (I mean.. who wouldn’t) and is traded out for a … 4th ROUND DRAFT CHOICE?!

#4: Drafting Jamarcus

By now I think we can all agree that Jamarcus Russell is by far the biggest NFL bust of all time. Ryan Leaf is always going to come up in conversation but you need admit that Leaf’s tantrums could never outshine the purple drank moment of Jamarcus. He would fall asleep in team meetings, throw an extreme amount of interceptions and generally shame us raider fans every week.

#3: The Fucking Tuck Rule

What more is there to say? Raiders got screwed and the Patriots dynasty is built upon a pyre of lies! Look I’m over it, they changed the rule. Time to move on. BUT WHAT THE FUCK!

#2 Al Davis Trades John Gruden

One of the weirdest trades of all time of course involved Al Davis. I love AL, I will eventually get his initials tattooed on my heart during a drunken stupor in a random parlour on the wrong side of town. But Al Davis was like a bad drug habit, he was great once upon a time, things got messy and now your stuck with an owner with a fucked up haircut. Doesn’t make sense? Cool. Anyways, he traded Jon Gruden to the Bucs for draft picks that never panned out. Gruden’s back as our head coach and he’s still using fullbacks every second play. FML

#1 Brett Favre GOD MODE

Look I’m not gonna shit on one of the greats here. It was a great moment and Brett Favre played with a dominant furious passion. To be honest I don’t know if any other team would have faired differently that day. It was a moment scripted in time, a legendary story of epic proportions.

That’s all I got! If you ahve any other suggestions let me know! I’ll add them to the updated version! ~ DDR

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