It all happened yesterday afternoon. My hood and other surrounding burroughs were hit with a massive ice rain storm. The power ran out and thousands of citizens won’t have power for another day or two. This presented a unique problem for ya boys @ Hotsaucesports because we were trying to catch the NCAA Tournament final. We originally wanted to do a live cast, but like all of our plans it failed miserably. As luck would have it, we found a sketchy bar and managed to catch Virginia beat Texas Tech in one of the least spectacular finals you’ll ever see. The beer was flat, the bartender was drunk and the place smelled like the inside of a crackpipe. Beggars can’t be choosers I suppose, especially on a Monday night in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere.
As you’d expect the night ended on a cold and dissatisfying thump. The game wasn’t great and I paid too much for bad beer and mediocre pizza. When I woke up the following morning my fingers were numb, my food was spoiled and the electric company didn’t seem convinced power would return until the next day. This is when I embarked on a quest to find lodging for the night. I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel and start Barbecuing indoors, but holy shit my dude, I was close..
Much like thousands of other people I began looking for options. While I don’t believe I’m a picky person, my search criteria wasn’t helping me. My budget was under 100$, it had to be dog friendly and I didn’t want to get stabbed. Apparently that was asking too much. While I was able to find lodging with a friend I did discover something wonderful. This city has some creepy motherfucking motels.
Let’s be frank, motels only exist to serve the underbelly of society. Maybe you murdered your husband and can’t stay at home. Maybe the dead bodies in the attic are starting to smell rancid. Maybe you want to hook up with a lady of the night in an inconspicuous location. Or maybe, just maybe.. you love hearing other people fuck. Regardless of your reasons, we here at hotsaucesports.ca will never judge you and we respect your decisions… Even the bad ones.
So there I was, looking for a place to stay, my tight budget kept me away from hotels and my dog kept me away from Airbnbs. Cold and tired I finally gave in. I started looking up motels. Before I knew it, I was cross referencing customer reviews and the results were both frightening and hilarious. I don’t know what I should have expected. The possibility of staying in a motel mid week was making me paranoid. I could already see the headline in tomorrow’s news: “Idiot sports blogger found chopped to bits in sketch motel”. Let’s be honest, you’d read that shit in a heartbeat. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe that’s exactly what our website needs. Side note, I wonder if there’s a hell for people that die in motels.
Reading hundreds of motel reviews can drive you mad, some of these complaints are simply stunning. The fact that some of these motels have the balls to charge premium prices for cum stained bedsheets is simply astounding. Maybe these motel operators know that if you’re booking with them you have low standards and little to no self respect. As a matter of fact, maybe they do it on purpose to keep their rooms as dirty as possible. There may even be a segment of the population that will not stay in a motel unless there are really fat well fed cockroaches.
Some people, however just really suck at making life choices. Some people buy knock off oreos, some people buy liquorice in bulk and other people tackle Brett Hart during his hall of fame induction. There’s literally millions of ways to make terrible choices and ruin your life. However, no one fucked up as bad as Mlody M who chose to visit a local motel during her family’s first stay in Canada. Bad move Mlody M, bad fucking move.
Of all the creepy motels in the city I managed to find the King of the crop. A local shit hole called Motel Pierre. The highlights of this place ranged from cigarette burnt blankets, shady people loitering and bug infested beds. That being said, if your booking a stay at this place WITH YOUR FAMILY, you deserve what you pay for. Have a look at the image gallery below, all that’s missing are blood stains.
The thing is, when I think about motels in movies I can only think of murder, deception, drugs and crime ! Let’s go over some wonderful examples:
From dusk till dawn – Tarantino mutilates a poor innocent lady.
Psycho – Shower murder and a life time of nightmares related to showers.
Vacancy – I was hoping for a Luke Wilson/Beckinsale sex scene. I was wrong.
Hostel – Not really a motel but man… what the fuck..
Fargo season 2 – The Gerhardts were not fucking around that night.
No Country for old men – blood, bullet shells and a whole lot of creepy.
A Goofy Movie – Even with waterbeds, this motel scene was so depressing.
If you have any fucked up motel scenes you’d like me to add in, make sure to add your opinion in the comments!
I realize that there are always exceptions to the rule. Not all motels are bad, and I’m sure there are plenty motels around the world I’d enjoy staying at. However, I spent a full day looking for a bed without bedbugs and I was shit out of luck. I realize that power outages are no laughing matter and there are plenty of people who have limited choices. We want you to know hotsaucesports is here for you and we hope this article can bring a smile to your face during a terrible situation. That being said, if I could give any advice at all: just spend a little more money, stay away from motels and DON’T FUCKING BARBECUE IN YOUR HOME. Stay warm, stay safe and stay alive we need your clicks.